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How do y’all have social lives?
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Ever since I’ve graduated high school my social life has been non existent and I’ve seriously wondered how adult’s actually have social lives. When I was younger I looked forward to my late teens and early twenties because I was excited to party drink gave friend groups sleep with girls and go on trips with people. But so far I’ve done none of that. And I have zero idea how.
How do y’all get invited to parties? How do y’all have friend groups? How do y’all get in close proximity to hundreds of girls? How do u get people to invite you to spring break trips and concerts and stuff like that? Life is just so miserable with literally no fun and I seriously have no clue how do actually do any of these things. Like I see people my age do these things and I’m so confused about how they manage to get involved with these things. How?
Top Comment: I think you’d be surprised by how many adults don’t have much of a social life outside of work and family, especially once having settled into a job.
what does a healthy social life specifically look like?
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I know this can look differently depending on the person but im truely just looking for detailed examples.
Top Comment: used to have no social life for reference, currently have what I think is pretty healthy. I think going out / intentional hang-outs 1-3 times per week is good, with a few different "circles" (of ~3-8 people per circle) that you get on with is healthy. Only 1-2 circles need to be the type you're close to - i.e. comfortable with inviting out spontaneously, or being invited out spontaneously by. Of course ymmv, I have a friend with just 2 circles, and another with 4 that I know of and likely another 5 that I don't. It's good to also feel comfortable going alone to new events and talking to new people repeatedly, because that's how you'll slowly build those friend groups up, and also remember that not everyone you're friends with will be in these circles - stand alone friends/friendly acquaintancds are also a part of a healthy social life. Bear in mind that it is HARD and there is a lot of failure involved. You will need to keep putting yourself out there, and some of these attempts will end in failed connection. Keep trying, you'll find people who you get, and it gets easier and better with more practice.
How common is it to not have a social life?
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I’m a 35 year old single man, I just work and go home and I don’t have nothing else to do. Any friends I had from school have families or have vices that I’m not into. So I just chill with my dog or I go do uber, and the extra money is cool but mainly so I’m not just at home. Is this how other people around my age live?
Top Comment: I’m the same I prefer it but my parents weren’t exactly the best role models For my entire life - my dad just drank on the weekends and my mom just kept to herself or with her siblings I also never fit in anywhere and I’ve dealt with some terribly cruel people in my life so i prefer to keep to myself
Does anyone have an extremely active social life in LA?
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I find these days now i've got a bit older, people rarely do things. I can probably get different people to hang out a couple of times a week maybe, but a lot of people don't want to leave their areas or do things that are less planned.
Is there anyone out there just still going out all the time? going for drinks often? doing stuff very regularly etc. and if so, what areas are you doing this in?
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Do you guys have a social life?
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If not, do you feel the need to have one? Will you regret not having one?
I'm just in a phase of not being anyone's friend and just working and school in my early 20s. Don't know if I'll regret not trying to make friends but they also feel exhausting to have.
Top Comment: I'm 22f and I've not many friends at all. I've joined clubs and groups when I was new to the area and got absolutely nothing back. I think there is an intense unsociable attitude in people my age who just want to go home and watch TV or converse on social media. I've met plenty of people so happy just talking on social media but none want to meet in person. I hate it lol, I'm an extrovert but seems our generation is mostly introvert. Not to mention the multitude of mental health issues that also make people stay inside. So I think a lot of people our age don't have friends and I think it's very normal. It shouldn't be, but it is.
People with a thriving social life, what advice would you give to lonely people?
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Share your mindset , your journey , experiences of being lonely in the past and how you overcame it ,what inner work you did to get to where you are today.
Top Comment: Do it anyways. You work it up in your head to be too stressful. It's easier to just stay home. Well. If you keep doing that you will be lonely forever. Don't say no. Don't make excuses not to show. Don't flake out last minute. Don't ghost your friends.
Has anyone actually been able to completely turn their social life around? How long did it take you?
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I mean starting as an adult over 25. You had no friends, social anxiety, no acquaintances but you were able to eventually make friends and build an active social life.
It feels impossible right now, but all I want is a normal social life. I try not to think about it too much because it can get depressing.
Top Comment: At 27, my life exploded and I realized a couple of my important relationships were not what I thought they were at all. It lead me down a dark road of realizing I had never really known how to choose myself, what made me happy, what nourished my soul. I was just desperate to fit in and had chosen the most available people and they didn’t really care for me at all and I had them up on a pedestal so wasn’t able to care for them properly in return either (or for myself actually). All my friends and extended family slowly fell away. My mom and sister are still here, my ex was around for a while but we eventually split. Now I’m 34, have so so so slowly created a space for myself that sometimes can feel nourishing and relaxing. Every once in a while, so slowly over time, I’ve let a few people into this space. Like, I can count them on one hand. In the past seven years. I’m being a hundred percent serious too. But they are people I trust on some level and actually feel good while I’m with them and after we’re done hanging out. Other people have come into my “space” (I’ve moved a couple times so the actual space has changed but the emotional “space” is mine, and this “space” can maybe just mean my personal space, wherever I am?) that I don’t fully trust and that’ll take me anywhere from 24 hours to a week or more to recover from because I’ll feel all anxious after. So, definitely have not completely turned it around, but it was completely turned around on me? And I’m grateful for the ability now to choose relationships that actually feel good, but also grieving my past self that was so hungry for community and was more of a risk taker. What I wish I had known from day one on this earth is that I’m allowed to be happy and feel joy, I’m allowed to walk away from things that don’t feel good, and I’m allowed to be myself! I wish I hadn’t contorted myself to fit others expectations. It did not lead to anything good.
People who built social life from nothing, how?
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So I am 24yo guy, I am not socially akward i have decent social skills, i have few friends, i have few close friends. My problem is that i dont really feel young and alive. I meet my friends usually 1:1, me and all my friends are not very outgoing/party kinda people, we like to chill and talk about feelings or joke around about random stuff. But I wanna feel young, meet new people, have excitement in my life.
My problem is that I dont drink and I am not too comfortable around drunk people, Im okay if my close frienda are drunk, but people who i dont trust i cant be around if they are drunk. Also I work in IT, which means mostly introverted people, mostly remote.
Most people i see starting their social circles are either feom drinking or work. I know a lot of people say "go do things, find hobbies, go to events, blah blah blah" thats decent advice, but it seems like it would work only if you already comfortable around a lot of new people, basically seems like people who say these things are in a very different position than the "lonely people".
So my question is does anyone have experience where they had very little social life and enjoyment in life and now have good social circle and are excited about life?
Top Comment: That advice doesn’t only work if you’re comfortable around new people, it works just as well if you’re comfortable with yourself. It takes time to get to know and trust new people regardless of how you meet them. Initial discomfort tends to come with the territory.
What does your social life actually look like?
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It’s really hard for me to have good friends, especially when I grow up.
I found that everyone seems to be fake and I really don’t want to be good friends with them. It’s so difficult for an adult to treat others wholly sincerely. I know that maybe I also couldn’t treat others totally sincerely. So what’s the meaning of friendship?
How could I deal with it??????
Top Comment: I currently have no friends. I spend all my time on the internet as my way of socializing with random strangers.
What does a healthy social life even look like?
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It may sound like a stupid question, and is probably very subjective, but I feel like it's a question that I need to ask. I honestly have no idea what kind of life people who are socially well off have, how often they talk to their friends, what they use social media for, or even how to make plans with for the weekend.
I'm a 25M, currently living on his own in a large metro area USA. When I was at college, my social life was abysmal, I had no close friends and would be lucky if I even went out once a month. It seemed like within a few weeks of the start of school, everyone had already formed little social groups and I didn't fall into any of them. I was never invited out or included in any weekend plans, or even asked if I wanted to join folks from my dorm for lunch in the dining hall. It seemed like everything went on behind closed doors and if I tried to tag along I was just intruding, latching on to their group.
So I basically spend 5 years (engineering degree) doing nothing but eating, sleeping, studying, going to the gym, watching tv, browsing the internet, and on rare occasions doing something fun with some folks that I wasn't friends with. I never really got to know anyone in my classes or clubs I joined because again, it seemed like everyone had their circle of friends already established. I had no network, I was just a single point without those first few connections you need to build up some kind of social circle.
Now I'm graduated, living out of state from where I group up and my friends back home, and after a couple years with a work schedule that killed most of my free time I'm finally somewhat stable. But, most people my age at work are married, and even after trying a few Meetups I still just have a handful of casual acquaintances, no close friends. So here I am, and I still have no idea of what a healthy social life looks like or how normal folks make friends, make weekend plans, or keep up with their existing ones.
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I think the best way to make friends is to join some sort of club or group. I was part of a self-developement mastermind group. I met a lot of new people through there. One of my friends is in a student association for international students. They organize parties and activities for them. He seems to be meeting a lot of new people through that group too. Also taking initiative and asking people to hang out is important.
To answer your question, I'm not sure if my social life could be called "healthy". Friends come and go. I have a few really good friends in my building, with whom I hang out with almost every night. I've got a handful of other friends in different cities from my past adventures. I try to hang out with them when I can. Keeping in contact seems to be important, even if it's just a simple "how are you?" message. Some friends just grow in a different direction than me and that's fine. When that happens we slowly let each other go by reducing contact. There are some people that I used to hang out with all the time and now I never speak to them again. I also get along with people from my college classes but at this point in my life I don't really feel like making more friends so I don't ask them to hang out. But if I did, I'm quite sure that I could befriend a lot of them.